If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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