Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
