I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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