So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
