Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
