I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize