Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
