I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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