We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
