half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
