As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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