Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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