Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
