pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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