Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my shit smells like andre
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
not ubering you a puppy
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
