therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize