Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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