You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
