your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
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The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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