Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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