Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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