drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
