do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
