I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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