Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Randomize
