He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
