I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
