saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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