I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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