my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
