help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
