Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
