Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it glows. i had to have it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Found your dick twin last night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
