i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
