I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
