You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
