Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
