Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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