before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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