is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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