Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
