dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
