Me. At least after what I've been through.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
