Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
