a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
