Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
