Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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