she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
