im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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