I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
