So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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