Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
These tits shall not be calmed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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