is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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