she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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