Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
