dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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