i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How naked do you want me to be?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
