walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
