i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
