i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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