are you still at the devil's house?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
