The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
