So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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