I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
